I am honestly struggling to find a way to enjoy this. And struggling to find a way to get back into the momentum of things… So instead of doing what I normally do and complain about it and wonder why I’m going to try the opposite and see where it goes from here.
This blog is about gratitude. I don’t feel like I’ve been sincerely expressing it. I have been getting caught in my negativity from time to time. So let’s go with the gratitude.
Time for gratitude...
First, gee I’m grateful to my Dad. I was never really close to him, in regard to being able to sit down and have a chat to him, but I’ve always really loved him. The older I get, the more I appreciate the love and sacrifice he has given to me and my brothers. He’s not a super wealthy or successful person in the eyes of the world, but he’s a good man and a good father. I’ve carried judgements and thoughts against him because of our past. I've been afraid to ask for help when I needed it, but he’s never not helped. He’s always been so graceful in trying to help. Even when I’m in turmoil and stressing and wondering how to ask, I just ask…. And he helps. I think 1 of the main differences in our relationship now is the fact my mind is completely different. I talk to him with a nice, clear mind and I’m honest and upfront. He’s really helping me a lot lately, particularly with some major financial issues.
I’m grateful to Brisbane Meditation. I’m the helper / meditation guide here. I get to look after it, and it’s a beautiful centre. I’m a volunteer, but I don’t pay rent or bills, so it takes that stress out of life. It’s a beautiful centre, in a beautiful area, in a beautiful city. I just love it.
I’m grateful for the fact that I thoroughly enjoy creating content. I do need to break out of the fear of recording in front of people (lingering social anxiety?), but for the most part I just love it. It’s really giving me a sense of purpose in the day to day and allowing me to develop a consistency I never had before.
I’m grateful for the meditation method I practice. It’s turned my life around. I used to be such a dark, negative person with so many bad habits. My existence was like a sinking pit, I’d suck the joy out of anything. I honestly believe if I went to a doctor, they’d tell me I had depression, anxiety and bipolar. My mood swings are epic. But I *know* that that is simply because of the types of experiences I’ve had in my life, which created a “picture” in my mind about reality that I’d swing between. It’s not some chemical imbalance. The chemical imbalance is a by product of a rampant mind. And yeah, conditions still come to knock me off my feet, but I’m able to just get up and keep moving. I have the strength of character now thanks to meditation and discarding all that shit from my mind.
I’m grateful for the vision which drives me forward. Through serendipitous circumstances in my life, I have been thoroughly blown away, and the Universe has revealed my path to me. It’s been a path that has sometimes overwhelmed me, but more often than not it has been the driving force for me when things go dark. I can’t give up knowing what I know. I won’t give up knowing what I need to do. The Universe has instilled in me what I need to move, and what I need to do, and I won’t stop until that end is reached.
Now my entire being is filled with gratitude…. And it feels so wonderful. Just so wonderful.
I wish I would never forget….