top of page

Day 11 of 100 - Honesty and consistency and self reflection

Updated: Nov 3, 2022

Things probably aren't going as well as I was hoping they would. I'm staying consistent though so that's a win.



The thing I am struggling with a lot is gluttony and food. I have some pretty bad habits around food and spending when I really shouldn't be. It's not something I'm proud of. It's wrecking my body and makes me feel like shit.


Even though I go to the gym 6 times a week, my weight plateaus when I have these spells of poor eating. Reaaaally poor eating. Gluttonous and non stop followed by several other bad habits I don't really want to talk about.


There's this feeling in my gut which compels me to just go and get food. I don't really try all that hard to deny it. What usually happens is I eat myself to a point of sickness where I want to quit because I end up just feeling like shit. But this is a cycle I've been repeating for years and years and years now.


Honestly? I try to meditate on it and discard it from my mind.But I don't really want it to disappear cause I love eating.


I get angry when I don't get food I want, and I end up just chasing after food I want when I get the idea in my mind. I never try to let it go. I just always wait until I have the food then enter into a guild spiral.


It's sad and pathetic.


I remember once being a pig farm in South Korea at the main centre for the meditation I do. I watched the pigs when I came to feed them. It was a stampede to the food, the air filled with their wild squeels as they pushed through and over ech other for food. I was disgusted at first, judging them for their mindlessness. But then it hit me. They WERE mindless - they are just living as their form. But me? I have a choice, and I fill my body with shit food and shit thoughts.


I'd like to sit here and say "TOMORROW IT STOPS!" but I don't actually believe it because I keep going back to eat when I feel stress in my body.


Not sure what to do with it.....


But like always, I'll get up tomorrow with gratitude and try again.

20 views0 comments

Comments


bottom of page