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Day 44 of 100 - Why do I do this to myself?

My eyes are falling out of my head. I have spent all day staring at a screen and trying to code, working my trading algorithm.


But I'm not really learning to code the proper way. It's more like how I learn things when I try to take short cuts - just trial and error and hope and pray.


I've managed to find an indicator I'm now satisfied with and want to start testing on demo. But quite frankly, there was a lot of unnecessary work done. Although I did learn some of the ins and outs of coding. I did push it to the limit though, even experimenting with ChatGPT coding, but it kind of failed I think? I couldn't get it to do what I wanted all the time.


Problem is, I don’t believe it will stick because I have these short bursts of extreme energy.


How to foucs | Balance is needed in everything
Overly extreme focus can create anxiety too.... Although I kept moving.

I’ll be honest, my mind so wanted to do it, it actually created anxiety in my body. It didn’t prevent me from doing the work, it just prevented me from being able to flow like water. But I was able to work…. To the extreme.


It’s the opposite of how I used to be. This laser like focus.


It seems, the laziness I have had from the life I have lived has almost all but been discarded from my mind. And now I’m getting to the roots of it. This level of focus is coming from somewhere that isn’t within my life.


This is a deep-rooted habit mind. An unconscious mind.


I am grateful for it though. A part of me really enjoys it!


It’s about solving a puzzle. A perpetual puzzle. Trying to find a treasure. Calculating. Rationalizing.


But like anything, with too much, it becomes sickening, and I knew I’d be here late at night wondering why I stayed up so late. My brain will be fried trying to sleep.


Oh well.


Still grateful 😊


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